In this painting I'm trying to create a feeling of peace and hope.
Earlier this year I began to struggle with some serious anxiety. Not, just a feeling of being stressed out, but rather a kind of fear that is all-consuming and makes you wonder how you are going to survive. I got to the point where I couldn't even be alone in our house without having serious panicky feelings.
In the midst of this all, we sang a sung at church that I clung to for several weeks. I had a copy of the words that I kept with me, and I would sing them over and over and over in my head while humming, in order to literally keep from "freaking out."
Both this painting, and "beach walk" were conceived during this horribly scary period of my life. I wanted to paint water landscapes, as they went with so well with the lyrics of this song which had become my mantra. (Plus, now that I was living in a coastal state, this subject matter seemed appropriate.)
I'm happy to say that I'm doing much better with my anxiety. I don't think I'm fully "cured", but I'm probably back to 90% normal.
Here's the song. The words are very powerful to meditate upon.
"O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus."
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free; Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me. Underneath me, all around me, is the current of the love; Leading onward, leading homeward, to thy glorious rest above.
O the deep, deep love of Jesus — spread his praise from shore to shore! How he loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, never more. How he watches o'er his loved ones, died to call them all his own. How for them he intercedeth, watcheth o'er them from the throne.
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, love of every love the best: 'Tis an ocean vast off blessing, 'tis a haven sweet of rest. O the deep, deep love of Jesus, 'tis a heav'n of heav'ns to me, And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to thee.
UPDATE--July, 2011:
People from the South assume this is painting was inspired by a beach at the Atlantic Ocean, but it's actually from a view I saw of Lake Michigan while visiting Saugatuck, Michigan several years ago. I love the beauty of both the Great Lakes AND the Ocean. And I love that it can be interchangeable in a person's mind, just depending on their own personal experiences. http://www.saugatuck.com/index.asp
As far as my anxiety goes... it was a very slow and gradual healing process which required about a year of counseling and some mild medication, along with a major change to my diet which I will probably continue on indefinitely. It took a slow couple of years, but I'm very thankful to say that think I'm basically back to normal, or better than normal, once again. (Normal being a relative term of course.)
